LOLS.. Just got back home from erjie's house... Went there with raymond and played mahjong with erjie and her husdand.. =D Haha im damn tired sia... yawn...

Oh yea, i won about $7++.. Did i mention that i was at lewis's house last night playing mahjong too? Yep, my mahjong skills are improving... Won once at lewis's house and at erjie's house le... xD Or is it because my luck's changed for the better in the new year? hmm...

2 days without enough sleep... Less then 5 hours of sleep... Im so gonna be exhausted at work.. =(

Rawr

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Im screwed. Badly...

Yea, got my posting results today...

And it sucked..

Posted to my 7th choice, biomedical engineering... Darn it im really lost now...

Should i just accept it and chiong even if i dont like it...? Or do i appeal for another course, and what course should i appeal? Or should i just retake my 'O' as a private candidate...???

Questions i dont have an answer to... And im really confused.. I dont know what i want in my life, i have no aims, no goals......

IM JUST A LOST SOUL, A FALLEN ANGEL...

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Heya, its the first day if the new year! =D

Im bored. Seriously, i have to find something to do... My butt hurts from sitting on the chair using my lappy or reading GoW... Darn it, i hate cny... There's nothing for me to do, and how i wished taka didnt close so at least i can preoccupy myself with work...

Yea, i hate it here in this hell-hole...

Haha, chatted with shiyuan on msn... Long time no see sia.. Ok its also been a long time since we chatted. Haha, the conversation made me feel so much better.. And how i realised we've (people in general) changed over the years... Im worried about her, ja, she seems ill or something... Hope she's alright! xD Yea, and she looks even prettier now.. HAHA Chatted about alot of things, and yea that includes personal stuffs...

Yay, she told me maybe some ex-6B-classmates are meeting up on thursday... Im working then, but still hope to see them! =)

Haha, going to my brother's house for mahjong... Even though i dont really like it much.. Ha. LOLS, brought my lappy there cuz i know someone's gonna be late. For sure. -.-

Yep, im going now! So long!

I prefer helping others rather than myself... Why am i like that, i have no idea...

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Taka closes early today, so im going home early. Going for the reunion dinner, but wth whats the point.. Everything's not what they seem, everyone's just play-acting... And im tired of all the acting....

Went to Kinokuniya during my lunch break to get some books to read, yea i suddenly have an urge to read some books. SO i went in and bought 3 books: Twilight, Gears of War and Hellgate book 1. Wieee didnt want to leave the store, cuz its like all these years i've been missing out on so much. There's too many good books, and all these years i havent touched a single book because that bas**** killed my passion for reading. Hope this rekindles me reading xD

Yep, im buying some books to read during the 1st and 2nd day of CNY... I have no place to go, and nothing to do, so i'll just find a quite place outside to rot, or read these books...

Finally, some time for me to sit down and ponder over somethings... My life's chaotic enough, and i need this time to... rest. reflect. damn.
To love is one thing, to be loved is another entirely.. Why is it so hard for me to find someone who actually likes me...? Im tired of falling for girls whom i have no chance with, whom i can never be good enough for. Im sick of all this... I want out

I like her, but she doesnt like me... I may want the best for her, but still its painful... I wake up everyday thinking about her, and the more i think the heavier my heart becomes... I really want to talk to her, to see her smile, to look her in her eyes... To hear her sing for me... But in my heart i know these can never happen... Im not the kind of charismatic guy whom girls will like...

Why must things be this way..? Is it already the end? Im suffering... real badly... And im shouldering all this pain all by myself... Now, even with no hope left... I really wished i had not told her the truth.... To see what things are now and i could only blame myself for it... Blame myself for being so stupid.. T know that there's no hope and still go for it, and now im regretting...

If only i had not told her, at least i would still be talking to her... At least i can still hear her voice, see her smile, even though me myself's hurting... But at least we're still friends then...

Its too late for regrets now... What's done cannot be undone... And not only have i lost hope, i've lost a friend, possibly even a good friend.....

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!
Gong Xi Fa Cai to all!

Mwahaha its the lunar new year!
xD
She went to work today, saw her when i went to work at 11am..
Didnt went to k-box like we planned to after work, so me, raymond, geraldine and jickson went to Macs at lucky plaza for supper.
But, hell... There wasnt any "hi-s", no "bye bye" when she left... Damit i dont think she even looked at me...
Jickson told us about his hobbies and CCAs when he was back in school. Super hilarious sia.. xDxDxD Funny guy.
Yea, i realised that she was gone, so i saw her for only a few minutes...
Totally a crazy day, yesterday that is... goldlion has 5 promoters in all, 2 part-timers and 3 full-timers... namely me and charmaine, and jennifer (dajie!), alice (erjie!) and meifang (sanjie!)...
Charmaine wasnt here cuz she went to malaysia... and sanjie needed to rush to catch her bus to go back to malaysia, and at that time dajie and erjie went for dinner... So im running the whole place all by meself, the casual waer side, the business shirt side and the business pants side, whereby the casual and the shirts are SUPER SUPER messy, like clothes everywhere.. =.=
... yea, so i'll take it as though we're not friends... like i said before, if we cant be friends, than forget it. If the situation calls for it or whenever im able to, i will disappear from her sight... and i will not bother her ever. What are friends when you dont even talk to each other, or even look at each other...?!

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Yay!
Bought a new bag from 4Skins! Woots! Haha bought it on thursday, just in time to use it for gym in the morning with raymond. Yep, this cool huge bag comes with a hefty price of $79.90. $$$Chi-ching$$$
Yea, and raymond dont have money but really wants to buy it (he brought me there in the first place), so i helped him pay for it first. Thats about $160 gone. T.T
She went to taka today, apparently, and i didnt know it... Guess she didnt want to see me...not one bit... I had no idea she was here until i read her blog a little while ago...
I guess things that dont meant to be, will never meant to be. No matter how much you long for it.......
Haha, its work day in and out! Oh, and we all may be celebrating on saturday night. Haha, going k-box or something.. Just to chill and have fun, i guess! xD

Waitaminute...! Thats today! Mwahahaha

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Haha its raymond's first day of work today, at taka working for the brand Guy Laroche. =X hehe of course, im the one who intro-ed him the job.

Funny, its a little weird that someone i know is working in the same place as me. Well, when i started work until now everyone i knew here was when i got here, so seeing him standing there's somehow... weird. Lols.

Hmm not bad... He's getting used to his first day quickly... And he;s talking to everyone at work. Ok, not everyone, but i guess all the youngsters (?), eh.

Hehe, must work hard to earn more money, although right now i dont know what to buy.
Hmm maybe a new bag and handphone... xD

Yea, and sent charmaine back home again. Lols, really man the road to her block's really REALLY dark. But i get to see stars, a few times the full moon (yay!) and even another galaxy. Hey, it cant be the milky way, i mean, we ARE in the mikly way...

Aww im late in posting again... This should be ytd's post.. =D

Haha today was a funny day, really. Went for dinner during the break with erjie, zhiwei and annie at the staff canteen. While eating, i said i havent bought my chinese new year clothes, and im lazy to buy it although i feel like taking a look at some clothes. Hey, my wardrobe's tiny, ok! I need some clothes for the new year and more importantly poly... xD

Erjie then said we faster eat then later go giordano to have a look... So we faster ate (actually zhiwei was the one who chiong-ed his food cuz he was the last to order it), and walked to giordano. Lols, there's when they practically threw clothes at me to try... -.- Yea wtf.. Hahaa. They got me to try about 10 items in the short 30mins of break we have left... xD Yea, told erjie i dont have so much money with me, and she told me nevermind she help me pay first.. Paiseh lor, but she's nice! xD thats why she's my erjie

But didnt have time to buy it as we're already late, so we reserved it and RAN back to our counter.. LOLS, that WAS funny, we all running back to taka.. =X

Then, at around 6.15, erjie told me to go up to the POSB bank at the 4th floor to make my nets card, which i've been saying i want to make one for the past week xD. SO i went up and queued for it, blah blah blah, and finally got it. Wow. Wow. WOW YEY FINALLY! xD

Then when i got back, erjie told me she's goin down to help me get my clothes, but i told her since i got my nets card, i myself can go pay for it le. Yay, and also as i spend more than $100, i got a free membership for Giordano. Haha. My handphone number's my account number, but they told me they need a 6-digit password. Lols wtf i was taken aback hahaha. In the end, everything's settled. Spend a total of $117... Hahaha

Yay, new year shopping done! Yippie!

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Haha, now there's a new part-timer at the Goldlion casual wear (ok, she's been there for, like, 6 days or so...?), her name's Charmaine. Cool, she's more mature than the general population of 92's from my point of view, hahaha.

We get along well, yea. She talked about some personal things, and i did too. LOLS. Seriously, this is strictly a GOOD FRIEND. Not everyone whom i tell my personal feelings and problems are girls whom i like. =.=

Yea, went for supper with her after work a few times, at amk central, S-11.. Then walked her home before going home myself, as hell she stays so near amk central, and i can just walk to yck mrt from there. So im already there, why not send her home. Its not really safe for a girl to walk along so late. xD


Well, it seems more clear now that im not the only one with problems. Every family have their own problems, it just depends on how serious things become, sooner or later. Im starting to see things in a new light since starting work, i guess im maturing...? =D
Funny thing though, im back in my "sian" mode, but im not so negative now, sometimes. Damn, having to deal with all this is really, really tough.

Oh yea, and i got my salary xD when i updated my bankbook. $****.** Yea, i was surprised at the amount. Didnt really thought i'll see this amount =D Woots.

Do i still think about her? Why is the memory of her etched in my heart, even thought it was just a short meeting? My heart's heavy, and its a burden to walk around putting on a mask. Im tired, seriously, im damn tired. Why must i be the type of guy whose so faithful, even though it will never work out? Haix, regrets, regrets...

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Got my 'O' level results yesterday. Wasnt good, at all. L1R5= 22, L1R4= 17.

Lols regretted that i didnt study for my 'O's... Alot of problems contributed to me not studying...
Hey, i know i've got to study, but i didnt. That's why im regretting... Sometimes, its better to come out and experience the world and working life, then one will mature more... ---> it sounds better in chinese =.=

Then my father started to kp me. Called me on the phone and kpkb like crazy, of course i dont have to listen to it all, i just put my hp in my pocket and went back to work. 5 minutes later he's still screaming to himself.

Come on la, its my life. Why do u freaking care? Wait, care is a wrong word. You FUCKING CONTROL FREAK. Come la, wujilai. Dont jiaowei with me. You want come then u come. Im not afraid of death, are you. Even if i die, i will pull u along.

Yea, but i also want out. Singapore's law sucks man, if your father kicks you outta the house, and you dont want to go back when HE wants you back, the court rules that YOUR at fault, cuz your underage and still under "parental control". Wtf, screw it. I want to leave, and i'll half study, half work to do that.

Right now considering going to poly or taking as private candidate. Seriously, i dont mind taking as private. Without him i confirm can study de. Its only the money thats a problem.

IM ALWAYS ALONE IN THIS WORLD, ITS ME AGAINST THE WORLD, AND IM PUTTING UP A LOST FIGHT.
LIFE SUCKS, WHY AM I STILL HERE..?

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Here's a song i've really liked for a long time, of which the meaning is deep, and it applies to how i feel now...
The song is Guilty by Blue

I never want to play the games that people play
I never want to hear the things they gotta say
I've found everything that i need
I never wanted anymore than i can see
I only want you to believe

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am i supposed to do
When all i want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If its wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then i'm guilty

I want to give you all the things you never had
Don't try to tell me how he treat you isn't bad
I need you back in my life
I never wanted just to be the other guy (be the other guy)
I never wanted to live a lie

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am i supposed to do
When all i want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If its wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then i'm guilty

Girl i followed my heart
Followed the truth
RIght from the start it led me to you
Please don't leave me this way
I'm guilty now all i have to say

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am i supposed to do
When all i want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
If its wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then i'm guilty

What am i supposed to do
Then i'm guilty
All i want to do is speak my mind
Guilty
Then i'm guilty
I'm prepared to testify
If it's wrong to do what's right then tell me about this feeling inside
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
I'm Guilty

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

31st December 2008
The day i will regret forever..

Well... Had actually wanted to go countdown with her, along with my colleagues at taka.. She already said she may not go, as she was feeling unwell, but somehow i got the impression that she was going, as just before she left for home i told her i'll wait for her at her void deck, and she said ok.

But there was a last minute shopper at my counter, so i cant leave along with her, and wanted to try on 4 (!!!!!!) shirts. Dammit, im late man, but i have no choice... Finally, after he tried it on, he chose one he wanted, i was pissed off at him buying only one but at least his gonna leave soon, before he said that it was a wedding gift and wanted it in a freaking box and wrapped. Tracy helped me wrap it, but still hes wasting my freaking time.

Finally walked out of taka at 10. So i rushed home to get ready to meet her before going for the countdown. By the time i reached yishun, i had tried calling her and her home MANY times, but my freaking hp just cant call through.. When i was finally able to get through, her mom picked up the phone and told me that she was still showering. Well, at that point i decided to chiong shower and wear my shirt and skinny...

I chiong-ed to her void deck to wait for her, and called her again, but she was still showering.. Wth its already 11.05, and its impossible to reach marina bay at this time.... tried calling meifang and ivan not to wait for me, but again my freaking hp just cant call through. Waited outside her house now... and called her again. Finally, shes out, and she was shocked that i was there, cuz she said that she told me shes not going already...

WTH... A last minute But she invited me in, and her mom also invited me. Wth, i've never stepped into a girl's house ALONE. and i never planned to do so. Wad made me walk in, i dont know, but at this point of time its all still ok..

Went into her house and sat beside her and watched tv, with her mom also watching tv but sat a little further away.. Then, her father came home, and boy was it awkward for me.. all of us sat in the living room watching tv, but there was somewhat an awkward silence, i guessed its because of me.

Then, she led me to her room. Yea, its weird for me, i've NEVER stepped into a girls's room. NEVER.

Well, we chatted about some things, mostly about her, something personal to her. I promised her not to tell anyone, and no matter what happens, I WILL NOT BREAK THAT PROMISE.

Then, wow, its the new year already. We missed the countdown, hahaha...

But, theres some things i kept in my heart, and im aching to say it out. Its the new year, eh, so there are some things i want to be tan bai... Although im regretting it now....

Well. i guess i went around the bush, many rounds. I told her about the pain when i lianai another girl before her, and how painful the 3 years was, how burdening the pain was, and how i cried myself to sleep sometimes. And then, i told her that there's something i want her to know, but im afraid i'll scare her away, and i dont want to scare her or anything. She laughed a little, cuz its obvious wad i wanna say.

I told her initially i was attracted to her, but hell i was attracted to many girls ( Sisca became my true friend, shimin a friend, gladys.. erm i dont think we really talked much, and her *another her* whom i liked for so many years). But somehow or rather, as time goes by, i think the attraction grew, and i think i fell in love with her. How i had thought about her, how i felt pain in my heart comparable to the pain i felt when i liked *another* her for 3 years... But how i know its useless, cuz she wont like me, and how i assured her not to worry, cuz i'll force myself to give up and forget her, and how much i want us to still stay as friends.

Well... i had wanted to give up... Its too painful for me to fall in love again, and i'll rather have a knife pierce my heart now than get stabbed in the heart everyday. I really felt that it was hopeless, but at the same time, i allowed myself. Just allowed myself a little hope that she may just like me.

But as i guessed, its impossible. Hey, i dont have the looks, the cash, or the brains. All i have is my heart, but no one seems to be able to see it. Its like... Shen bu ru si.

I also asked her if her like me... She kept quiet... Well, im not surprised, really. I guess the answer's obvious enough...

It must have been weird enough for her, too, to hear me say all this in HER HOUSE, in HER ROOM. Im sorry, sorry, sorry.

Things were never the same after this, and i regretted my action, ALOT. Why was i so stupid to tell her i liked her? I should have shouldered the pain myself, so that i wont make things difficult for her.

Yea, sure. I regret my actions, but it happened already. Hell, it still hurts, but at least i said it all out, and this should have snuffed out all hopes i have, altho is only a little.

LOVE HURTS. Like hell...
Things will never be the same again

4th January 2009

Its her last day of work today... i worked morning shift today, and was surprised to see her there too (hey, i didnt know she's working morning too). She bought Ferrero Roches to give out to the colleagues, but she didnt give it to me personally. From here on, i kept thinking something's wrong, well it already is, but i just have the feeling she's avoiding me...

Yea, and my fears came through...

During work she didnt give me a single eye contact, she walks away when i get close, and she doesnt talk to me. Normally she would smile at me, or just talk to me, but not today. Ok fine its been like this for quite awhile now... haix, my heart's so heavy...

Yea, and things got quite busy... In the end both of us worked full (i think she's already working full de, and i knocked off a little earlier then her cuz she work until close)... There was one time, when there's still alot of customers around but she's just standing there leaning against the wall, i couldnt help it but to go talk to her, cuz i have something i really want to say to her.. I went up to her, and asked her is she free after work, could we meet cuz i said i have something i need to tell her. She replies, as though i've hurt her, that she's not free, cuz its late and she have school the next day. I then ask can i meet her after work, as in i wait for her, then she also replied nonchalently dont want, as she have school the next day... I begged her, saying i only need 5 minutes, but again she denied me the time. And also when i accidentally meet her in the storeroom, she never once looked at me, and there was an awkward silence. I didnt dared to say anything, even though i really wanted to...

Then Si An said that after work, Daniel wants to go Lucky Plaza to look for a bluetooth headset, and i got the impression that she's also going along, so i readily replied ok.

Im so dejected man... The feeling sux alot... While waiting, i planned how i should say what i want to say to her... Its something like this...
When we reach yishun, i would quietly follow her, behind her, to send her back home. Then when i get the chance, i've planned to ask her only 2 questions and say a sentence of what i want to say, then i'll leave straight away...

The first question would be: Are you avoiding me.
Then, whether the answer's yes or no, i'll ask her
The second question: Can we still be friends? ---> Nan dao wo men nian peng you ye bu neng zuo le ma?
If the answer's yes, i'll tell her, im a very loyal friend, and i very zong friends, nonetheless good friends. So if your willing to be my friend, dont hesitate to come to me when your in need, im here 25/7 standby de, even if you want me to come out at 3am in the morning i'll drag myself out of bed de, cuz that's who i am...
But is the answer's no. i'll tell her, Ok, sua. You wont see me ever again, cuz i'll disappear whenever your around. Even when you see me i'll just walk away, and i wont bother you anymore no matter what. And, so yea, you dint have to worry about seeing me.

After work, met Daniel, SiAn, Jorene and her, but she left suddenly with Jorene, cuz we were walking to lucky when we found they were not with us, and i thought its all over. Yea, it felt hopeless then, then Daniel came up with a plan to play her, actually to call her and tell her to wait for him, he has something to say to her. And, omg, how happy i was. Yea, to at least, have the hope of having the chance of saying what i wanna say.

On the way back, i diam diam all the way, didnt say a single word. Hell, im afraid now. Scared shit outta my pants. Im afraid of what her answer might be, and althought i really want to get this straight, im the one who will carry this pain with me, not her.

When we alight at yishun, she got a phone call, and she talked all the way while walking home, and i silently followed behind her. Damn, how hopeless was i, i was afraid now that i wont get a chance to make things clear with her. Finally, she put down the phone when nearing her block, so i walked faster to meet her at the lift.

What hurts the most, was facing her and actually saying what i had planned to say, and watching her as though nothing was wrong, how she laughed when she answered to my first question, saying "no la", and how weird i was acting. How "normal" things were, how she was acting, really...really... i dont want to talk about it, the disappointment i feel, the pain, the sadness, how stupid i felt i was to like, again, someone who will ever like me and whom im not fit for. Seeing her... acting... broke my heart.

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

Posting the past, again... :p

24th December 2008

Yay!!! Its the eve of Christmas!!!
Worked full to day, xD, and went for countdown with kim, yingli, jiapei, tiff chia, lynn, xiaoqiang, meifang (san-jie!)and ivan. All coleagues at taka. Well, almost all xD

Is it just me, or was there a tug at my heart everytime i see her? Dammit, when i thought about her my heart grows heavy, and it aches like HELL, almost like how i felt in the past. I've only known her for awhile, how could i feel this way for her so quickly...?!

The whole lot of us went to Long John Silver at Cineleisure and chatted while we waited fir the countdown. Yea, and wanted to meet up with Alice ( er-jie!) at Plaza Sing for the countdown, but we missed the countdown there by 2 mins. =.=

Im confused, and had actually wanted to be good friends with her, since i rarely feel so open around others, before seeing if there's a chance to fa zhan... But...

Well er-jie was gone by then, so the lot of us (excluding meifang n ivan who left before the countdown) went walking around the shops in front of PS.. Yeaa and it was damn quite at PS. I repeat, it's QUITE, like there wasnt even a countdown there... Then walked to Cathay and sat in a deserted corridor outside the toilet and chatted. Well it wasnt really deserted, people walked by and kept looking (or starring) at us.

Damn, now i really dont know what i should do. I was hurt, badly, once, and i dont know if i can take another setback. Its bad enough to drop a hundred floors down once, what if it happens.

Then decided to go to a cafe pub somewhere opposite paradiz centre, called Alps cafe or something. Hey, we're all underaged except for xiaoqiang and yingli, but we were allowed to drink. darn i must ask yingli how the hell did we managed to walk in xD
But jiapei and kim, oh and lynn did not drink, altho lynn did sip a little of tiff's vodka... O.o

ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY

Haha, then took a cab home, but slept only at about 6.30... I must be mad, i have work the next day. MORNING SHIFT. Wth was i thinking -.-

Yea... i dont know if im ready to love again. Im really afraid, really. The option of forcing myself to give up and forget's really tempting... And she seems like someone who will never like me. Why the hell must i always like those who will never like me, those who im never good enough for.

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

21th December 2008

Yay! Its Kimberley's birthday! Sorry, but im still reposting my past.. xD
Im working morning sift, again, and Kim's working full, AGAIN. Rawr.

Went to Crystal Jade after work to get a cake for kim's birthday, cuz i didnt manage to get a cake for her birthday countdown =(
Looked around, but all they have are log cakes which both of us surely cant finish, so i settled for 2 chocolate muffins with a mistletoe on top, made with coloured sugar, and asked for a candle. Lols, but i didnt have a lighter, so have to go but one... DUH.

Yea, but i dont know anywhere in Taka that sells a lighter, so i went to ask the security guard. They gave me some suggestions on where to look, and one thing they said was really..Diao.
The guard said:
Im sorry, we're not smokers, so we dont know where got sell lighter.

WTF IM MISTAKEN AS A SMOKER?!

Rawr, i just walked away... But do i really give such a bad impression...?

Anyway, waited for Kim at the back door, and woalla! Again she was shocked (i guess) seeing me. Haha, funny. So we went back home together, but stopped at my void deck to countdown the last minutes of her 16th birthday.
Yay, blow the candle already! xD Ate the muffins and talked a little... And sent her home before going home myself =D

Good times, eh. She said that im the first guy to be so nice to her. Heck, i dont believe her. With a girl like her, i dont think she will lack any suiters. Yea, for sure, so i was quite surprised at what she said.

Friends are the only people i will be good to, other than my good friends. Friends, i have some, but good friends, up until before i met Kim i only had 2: Sisca and Lewis. Its not everyday i find someone i can be so open to, and someone who is such a joy to be with. Now, i guess i can proudly announce that i have 3 good and true friends whom i can count on, and whom can count on me when im needed.
xD

Happy Birthday Kim! Hope u will be joyful as ever and, hey, your the BIGGEST on your birthday, hor! Guess you've been waiting a long time for this day! So remember: Listen to the good, forget the bad! =p

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...

20th December 2008

OMG, today i've finally realised something. See, i've liked a girl from sec 1 up until a month ago, and i just realised that i havent thought of her from sometime November onwards. OMG again.

Well, actually everyone knows i;ve liked her from sec 1. I mean, duh! This kindda thing spreads real fast, so even she knows that i liked her, but she never accepted me. NEVER. So, i've sorta "secretly" been in love with her for, like 3 years 7 months. WTH thats long... During this period, thinking about her is very painful.
Lemme say it again, LOVING HER HURTS like hell, and somehow the saying that it hurts like a thousand daggers piercing your heart applies here. Those who never experienced it will never understand how painful it is. And seriously, it hurts so badly i do cry while thinking about her. I never could imagine i could feel so much pain just by thinking about her. And wth, i dont even know what i like her for, i mean ive liked her for more than 3 years without even talking to her? Its hard to imagine, i know. I feel happy when i see her smile, although i know she isnt smiling at me, but still sometimes, people do get jealous and sad, nonetheless me. Why couldnt she see how much i like her? Am i so invisible to her? haix, love hurts, although this saying is so cliche as its overused and undermined. Sometimes i do wonder do i really like her, for so long, without a single word exchanged and i have no idea what her character is like. Yea, im confused, really confused.

But hell, i just, again, realised that i've not been thinking about her since around november. Im seriously surprised myself. HAHAHA cool, i didnt reach the 4-year mark. Thinking about her does not hurt anymore, and im so SO relieved =D. Finally, im free.


yay! Sorry but im still reminiscing about the past xD
Well, started work at Taka Mens wear on level3, at the Goldlion counter, sometime ago. Wieeeee people there are so friendly, and i bet no other counter's so carefree and friendy. OMGOMGOMG. There's a girl named Kimberley Chia Tingfang. this is how our conversation goes:
Kim: HI!!! Are you new here?
MY: Yes.
Kim: How old are you?
MY: 16. You?
Kim: Omg weirong guessed your age correctly *turns around at weirong and laughs*. Guess how old i am
MY: Erm... 16? 17?
Kim: No la im 20 years old. Cant tell right? *laughs loudly again (?)* No la im also 16. *Goes back to her counter still laughing*

LOLS. It wasnt until a few days after that when me, kim, weiqi, jiapei and yingli went for lunch together then i realised some-things about her. And im not kidding, this is REAL. Call it coincidence, or call it affinity. It goes something like this:
Kim: Where do you stay?
MY: Yishun.
Kim: Oh hahaha (at this point of time i get the impression she loves laughing xD) i stay at yishun too!
MY: Really...??? wth what a coincidence
**subject changes**
Kim: What school are you from?
MY: Presbyterian High
Kim: Kuo chuan or just presbyterian?
MY: Presbytarian high school... the one near....
Kim: OMG! do you know tiffany chia? Or lunn chia?
Ok, at this point of time i sorta freaked out. Why suddenly bring up tiff chia, and her cousin lynn chia? Then it hit me, kim's surname's also chia. (WTFOMG)
Yea, its so that Tiff Chia's cousin is Lynn Chia, so where does Kim come in? Simple. Kim's Tiff Chia's cousin and Lynn's sister.
Serious.
OMG.
WTF.
*am i dreaming?*

What's more, it doesnt end there. After work, went home together. Of course, since she stays at yishun too we went home together. When we alighted at yishun and tapped out....:
Kim: Where do you stay?
MY: Near the mrt
Kim: Wich part?
MY: Blk 213
And she bursts out laughing and well i have a nagging feeling i know what she's gonna say next. Kinda expected it xD
Kim: i stay at blk 221
MY: Blk 221...? er...
Kim: Its very near your house lor, just a few blocks away

Of course, i thought she was kidding me. Until i sent her home then i realised she's staying just 4 BLKS IN FRONT (or behind) my blk! OMGWTFRUKIDDINGME?!?!

20th December yay!
Hmm... tml's 21th Dec, Kim's birthday! well, as a friend im obliged to celebrate it with her, eh. And well, she gimme the idea to countdown with her for her birthday, so i decided on doing just that xD

Ok, im working the morning shift, so i knock off earlier than Kim---> she's doing full. I had it all planned:
Plan A:
Knock off- CHIONG HOME!!!
Shower, change into formal wear by8.30
Bring along money $$$ lots of money xD
Go to Mini toons at northpoint or the new wing to get a cuddly for her.
Be outside Taka back door by 10.30

Plan B:
Knock off- Choing to northpoint to get the present first!
Go home shower n change.
Be outside Taka back door by 10.30

Damn things didnt go as i planned. Shoulda listened to my conscious as when the mrt stopped at bishan and amk i had a thinking i should get down to either mini toons to get the present first, but didnt.
Went to northpoint then, but walked ALL TROUGHOUT northpoint and the new wing but couldnt find a mini toons. DAMNDAMNDAMN. I knew i was screwed, so i rushed home to shower and get dressed in my shirt n skinny. xD But its already.. 9.00 what im afraid of is that the mini toons at other outets are closed by the time i get there. ARGH!

So i rushed out and caught the mrt just as it was leaving the station... Chiong-ed to ank hub mini toons, and phew what a relieve, theres still so many people at the mini toons there doing some last minute shopping xD
Went in and looked areind , and something fluffy and white caught my eye. Yessir, its a white seal, and i quickly dropped the idea of a teddy bear cuz, well its old fashioned, the seal is so much nicer, the seal caught my eye, and the teddy bear there looks so... teddy-ish. Haha so i asked for a new one, but they dont have, so i could only take the whitest one on display. Wanted to wrap it up, but when i went to the wrapping counter thaey said i have to wait 30-45mins. WTF the time's already 9.30... Oh hell i could only wait, so i went to the quiet, empty staurcase at somewhere at 1st floor and waited. Waited. And waited.

Finally 30mins passed and i went back up to collect the present.Then rushed to Taka (yay!) and was still a little early. Lols, when Kim saw me... Hahaha i cant describe her expression. She was like "omg" and all.. xDxDxD
Went to Macs at northpoint as i was hungry, so while i was eating we counted-down hor birthday. haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMBERLEY! xD

Haha, she opened up the present i gave her... And named it Xiaobai™. She did tear a little, and i first thought i made her cry, but found out her x best friend (?) messaged her i think... Terrified of girls crying, as i'll think its my fault ><
Walked her home before going home myself, xD

****What a great day... ****

Was it just me, or was there a tug in my heart...?

Heya, nice to meet the people who took the time to view my profile.
My name's mingyan, but i think LoneWolf suits me just fine. xD


Well... a little info about myself...
I am a sociable introvert (yep, that's what i like to call myself)...
I am a person with many perspective, sometimes my point of view is affected by my mood...
I am a very tolerating person...
I am a loyal friend... ok i have little friends, because those i consider friends are those whom i can feel open with and can talk openly to, and hence my true friends are only vacanted my 2 people. Sisca (yay sista!) and lewis (my brotha, someone who knows me all too well it freaks me out sometimes xD)...
I am someone who prefers to let others lead, but when the time permits i can stand up to lead too---> (wth i sound so weird here, why did i post this...? Gosh.)....
I think i am a person who is hopeless at love. Yea, you can say that again :(
I have a deep, dark, sad, hopeless and vulnerable side very VERY few people have ever seen... And i don't intend to show it to people other than those close enough to me...


Damn, theres too much about me but i dont have time to write down all... xD haha time's a commodity i just dont have enough of...

This is a new year, so im creating this blog for the new year and for the years ahead, but before that, im gonna post some things about my past, something which i think i can share(?).. LOLS

P.S by the way im writing this all in white, so i seriously cant really see what im writing =p

LoneWolf...
...alone in the dark...